I saw someone who causes me companger.
Companger-when you know you should be feeling compassion but all you feel is anger.
I wonder, are some people here to test us, to see if we will take the high road, turn the other cheek, forgive and forget?
Nearly everyone I know has someone in their life who causes them to feel companger. The person is infuriating and at the same time elicits feelings of sympathy.
Why do they continue to do these behaviors that are either destructive to themselves or the relationships they have with other people? Don’t they see their role, their contribution to the drama in their lives?
In many of these cases there is some addiction—to shopping, eating, drinking, exercising, drugs, or some other compulsive behavior. We know these compulsions must exist to assuage deep emotional pain.
We feel for them. We want the best for them, but we don’t want to get caught up in their web. We don’t want to be lied to or lied about or try to pretend they aren’t lying when we know they are.
You know you are dealing with a difficult person when they produce one of two emotions in you-anger or pity.
A friend of mine said these hurt souls need “space and grace.” Is that really the best thing, isolating them?
Another friend speaks of not letting these challenging individuals vomit all over her shoes. It’s a strong image—you are going through your life, keeping all your plates balanced in the air, and some person comes along with all their mixed-up emotions and throws up all over your shoes.
Maybe, “space and grace” is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.